Acceptance
by Ilyik
Summary: Kylo Ren is having some issues dealing with having just met the scavenger from Jakku. This is a story of the progression of his coming to terms with what she did to him. This story is a part of the ABCs of Writing prompt. If you haven't seen TROS, don't read the last couple of chapters! R&R and Enjoy!
1. Arrest

**A/N: So I got the idea to do this through writing prompts. Been out of the writing game for quite some time and so I wanted to try it out with Reylo. So I'm challenging myself and doing what I'm calling the ABCs of Writing. I'm going to pick a letter and randomly generate a word and that will be my prompt. This writing prompt, as part of the ABCs of writing, is "arrest". Definition: attract the attention of someone; a sudden stoppage or cessation. This isn't particularly centered around any movie. Just a random point in time. Probably between FA and TLJ. Without further ado, enjoy!**

* * *

**ARREST**

_Ben x Rey_

* * *

So long. It had been so long since he had her in the interrogation chamber. So long since their eyes met after he took off the mask, never having revealed his face to anyone else prior. Ever since then, Kylo Ren had not been the same. Just thinking about her was enough to develop a stutter in his breathing, his heart doing weird flip-flop motions in his chest that he wasn't familiar with. It infuriated him, but made him elated all at the same time. Why this woman? Why this _scavenger_? A no one from Jakku. No family. No hope for anything except a force sensitivity. Nothing.

And yet... it felt all right.

She had completely, in a matter of a couple of meetings, arrested all of his attention. Snoke didn't matter. The First Order didn't matter. Sith and Jedi didn't matter. None of it mattered. Not compared to her. She mattered. He slowly felt himself becoming even more aware of her. Their force bond grew stronger each time they used it. He seemed to be annoying her, but he couldn't stop thinking of her. He felt the slight ripple of the bond that they shared and it tugged at him in some unknown, mysterious way. It was soothing, yet frightening all at the same time. She had invaded his mind as much as he invaded hers. And sometimes he swore he felt her prodding at it.

Sometimes.

Not nearly as much as he did. He was curious what she was doing, where she was, what she was thinking. He felt her emotions ripple through the bond every once in a while. Elation. Sadness. Fury. Concentration. Such deep concentration. She was using her force powers again. He couldn't help but grin at this. She was so stubborn. She would master her abilities and she would quite possibly be stronger than him one day. She was already plenty feisty enough to enter into his mind when he tried to enter hers.

"_Get out of my head, Kylo!"_ she screamed at him through the bond.

A small grin came to his lips then. "You initiated it this time." He saw her then. She was sitting at a fire. The light of the flames dancing elegantly across her face. She was wet. Was that sweat or something else? He couldn't tell. There was a hint of redness on her cheeks, as if his words had embarrassed her.

"What do you want?" she hissed back at him, brushing off the comment. She had been curious about him, and then all of a sudden, he was there.

He was quiet for a moment. What did he want? _You_. But he couldn't say that. Something in him wouldn't let him. "You contact me and you ask what _I_ want?" he said in reply, amusement in his deep voice.

Her eyes grew hard at that moment. "You're so insufferable!"

He bit back laughter then, refusing to let it go. He wasn't that comfortable yet. But his face betrayed him as the edges of his lips curled ever so slightly. He wouldn't have noticed it if it weren't for Rey's eyes widening a fraction and the redness on her cheeks becoming more prominent. And then, he heard her voice in his mind. _"That smile..."_ It was his turn to feel his cheeks redden. "Did you read my-"

"You're loud," he said as he looked away, attempting nonchalance.

"I beg your pardon!" she sputtered.

He looked at her then, his dark eyes piercing her very soul. "Don't be offended. Your thoughts aren't as controlled so I can hear them sometimes."

Rey blushed then and gave a sort of pout. "Well, I'm still figuring things out," she replied, clearly deflated.

He approached her then and knelt at her side. "I can teach you. You need a teacher. You can figure some things out yourself, but you won't be able to figure out every-"

"How do I know you won't try to teach me only dark side things?" Her eyes were cautious, but she found that she didn't quite mind her space being invaded by him. In fact, she even shifted so she was closer and facing him.

He looked into her eyes, sensing her hesitation. It radiated off of her in waves. She didn't trust him. Not fully. And he hoped to change that. Boldly, he sat up straight, still kneeling, pulled off his glove and offered his hand to her, palm up. "Trust me, Rey," he said softly. He saw her eyes flick to his palm for a brief second, then back up to his face. Her eyes were searching his. His usually dark and cold eyes reflected a warm invitation, but also a pleading.

Pleading? Her eyes widened a bit when she saw it. He was asking her to trust him, begging her almost. That wasn't something Kylo Ren did! He let his defenses down, if even only a fraction, inviting her in. She looked back down at his hand, her wrist twitching with the urge to take his hand, but she was warring within herself. She wanted so badly to take his hand. Force, did she want to take his hand! But he was her enemy. She barely knew him.

But she could get to know him.

Her thoughts were betraying her. Again. What if this was some way for him to weasel himself in and then turn on her and kill her? "No," he said simply, his voice full of sincerity.

"Get out-"

"Loud," he said with a small smirk. She felt her own lips curl at that. And there it was. His breathing stopped of its own accord. Not only had she arrested his attention, but now his breathing, too. She was so beautiful.

She cleared her throat. "Uh, loud," she said in return, her cheeks burning to the point of making her dizzy. His cheeks burned and he felt the embarrassment rising. This had been a day of dizzying proportions so far. He couldn't stop his cheeks from burning a bright red as she started to laugh softly. He looked at her face and saw the level of comfort she had with him at this given moment and he started to chuckle himself. It was short lived though as he heard hers cease. "This is awkward," she chuckled.

"It doesn't have to be."

Her eyes found his again. He was right. He felt the same, she learned. He didn't want it to be awkward between them. Neither did she. They were enemies though!

They didn't have to be.

Without a second thought, her hand found his, a look of seriousness on her delicate, yet hard features. "I won't join the dark side."

"And I won't join the light."

Oh, how wrong he was. He had already started the trek. It was only a matter of time. "There's light in you," Rey said softly to him.

He faltered for a moment as they held hands in the light of the fire. "You'll see that's not true." Remorse? Regret? His voice took on a very sad tone to it. As if he wished it were true that he had light in him, but it was all gone. He sounded as if he truly wanted it to be so. But there was something stopping him.

Snoke.

The First Order.

Rey hesitantly lifted her hand and gently touched his cheek. His eyes found hers again, devoid of emotion. He looked lost. He looked afraid. He looked like... "Ben," she whispered. His eyes widened. He hadn't heard that name in so long and the first person he heard utter it again was her. How did she- "That's your real name, isn't it?"

He didn't know what to say. He did, but he couldn't. He wanted to beg her to say it again. How it rolled off of her tongue. How it sounded so sincere, and yet full of curiosity. How it awakened something in him that he'd long since tried to forget: the need to be wanted. The need to be loved. The need to be... someone.

His silence was all the answer that she needed. She smiled sadly at him, her thumb absently stroking his cheek. "Ben... you're not all dark. There's still good in you." He couldn't refute it. When she said his name like that, he felt it. Like a geyser about to erupt, just bubbling over to the point where it would burst at any given moment. And she didn't even realize it.

His gloved hand went up to hold her hand on his cheek. "You're wrong." It wasn't nearly as confident as he wanted it to sound. No, for the first time, Ben Solo was disarmed since becoming Kylo Ren. He didn't know where he stood. He didn't know what his goal was. He didn't know who he truly was. He had suppressed Ben Solo for so long under the mask of Kylo Ren that Ben Solo seemed so foreign to him. But when she referred to him as such, it was just so right. He wanted to hear her call him that over and over again. He wanted only her to call him that. He wanted _her_.

But he was getting ahead of himself. He couldn't have her. She barely trusted him. She barely knew him. They shared this weird force bond and neither of them knew anything about the other. But yet here they were, trying to figure each other out.

Rey smiled at him then, an air of confidence about her that he loved so much. "We'll see," she said as she leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. His whole body stiffened. His heart stopped. His thinking stopped. His breath stopped again. Everything just... stopped.

And then it was official. Rey had completely arrested every fiber of his being.


	2. Advance

**A/N: So this was supposed to just be a oneshot. But apparently I got a little too into it and decided to make it a multi-chapter story. So let's see how far I can go with the A's! Part 2 is as follows! Enjoy!**

* * *

**ADVANCE**

_Ben x Rey_

* * *

It had been two weeks since Rey kissed him. Everything he knew was starting to crumble. He's been wanting to reach out to her more, explore their bond, _advance_. But at the same time, he didn't want to scare her away. Why had she done that? What made her want to kiss him? Was she trying to prove something? Was she trying to mess him up?

Apparently. Because that's what happened. That one kiss had shifted his thinking so much that it was difficult for him to get back on track. He couldn't focus. He couldn't be concerned about anything. He was just off in la-la land and couldn't come back. Things had gotten bad, sure, but he couldn't focus on anything. All he could think about was her. Where was she? What did that mean to her? Was he the first? She certainly was his. It would be terrible if it was meaningless. If it was just some ploy to break down his defenses. The scavenger from Jakku had eliminated almost all of his mental barriers by kissing him that one single time. And yet it wasn't unwelcomed.

He found himself drifting off in his bed in silence. It was dark and quiet. The occasional footsteps of the stormtroopers keeping watch through the ship. He lay awake for quite some time, staring at the ceiling and thinking back to two weeks ago. And then, as if on cue, "Ben?"

Her voice echoed in his head as he shifted and sat up in bed. The sheets fell down his chest as he looked to his left and saw her sitting there on the floor. Her face was flushed. Hair wet. "Could you... get dressed or something?"

He looked down at himself. He was wearing pants. It was just his shirt that was missing. "You contacted me just to tell me to put a shirt on? Just how much are you spying on me, Rey?" he mused as he sent a grin her way. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and turned his back to her as he walked to his closet and put on a shirt. When he was dressed, he turned back to her and crossed his arms over his chest, seeing her standing and looking at him. "What do you want?"

Rey hesitated. She was usually so sure of herself, but she was hesitating now. Did seeing him shirtless repulse her that much? He felt the scowl on his face as he mulled that over, carefully concealing his thoughts so she couldn't barge in on them. To be honest, he was a little miffed that she hadn't contacted him for two weeks, and when he had tried to prod at the bond, he was quickly thrown out. So he was eager to hear her excuse as to why she was avoiding him. But she remained silent, searching his face for something. What was she searching for?

He sighed after a few moments and lowered his arms at his sides. "If there's nothing, then I'm going to bed," he said as he walked to his bed and sat down, directly in front of her. She still remained silent, tears on the verge of falling. This wasn't like her. Then he sensed her anguish through the bond. As if she were letting him in. "Rey?" he asked cautiously.

She looked at him then, as if seeing him for the first time since she asked him to put on a shirt. She blinked the tears away and rubbed at her eyes with her hand. "Sorry, uh, it's nothing."

Ben frowned then. She was shutting down again. He pushed through the bond, gently, as if coaxing a scared animal out of hiding. "It's just us. Don't shut down." Rey paused in her motions of wiping away her tears. "What's wrong?" He cursed himself for caring so much. One kiss and Ben Solo was reduced to some squishy semblance of a man he used to be. Pathetic. But he was still so unsure of everything. He gingerly reached out and took her hand, barely holding it in case she wanted to pull away like he thought she would.

"I went into a cave at this mirror wall thing and asked to see my parents," she sounded crazy she knew. But then she opened up her mind to him, inviting him to see the event she was talking about. He pushed past the barrier and watched the whole scene unfold. The wall she was talking about. Her begging to see her parents. Receiving no answer but two shadows that quickly retreated. The feeling of loneliness. The dark, hopeless loneliness. He'd felt the same at one point in his life. But it radiated off of her in such a way that the Rey of light he knew so little of seemed to disappear in the darkness. She was so alone. So afraid. So hopelessly... lost?

He looked up at her and before he could stop himself, he stood up and took her into his arms. Her head fell against his chest as he gently stroked her hair. And she let it happen. She wrapped her arms around him tightly as she let all her frustration out, all her tears, all her loneliness. They both stayed quiet as Rey let all her anguish flow through their bond. The darkness. The apathy. Yet at the same time, the overwhelming feeling of not wanting to go on. He pulled away then and lifted her face to look at him. "You're not alone," he said softly.

Rey stared at him, feeling even more connected to him than before. "Neither are you," she whispered back as she sniffled. It had then occurred to him that while he was exploring her anguish, she had slipped past his barriers and explored his. He offered her a small quirk of the lips, a ghost of a smile, and Rey smiled back at him.

He wanted so badly to explore this more. To advance this relationship that this bond was leading them through. But he knew that would be crazy. There was only one time before that a force bond had been explored from opposite sides. And it nearly tore them both apart. He couldn't do that to her. But he wanted so badly to throw caution to the wind and do it anyway. His mind was screaming at him like some sort of military general. _Advance. Advance. Advance!_ But he knew that there was no way that they could. Not being on opposite sides like this. Not being so far apart. But at the moment, they were both content here. Holding each other as if light and dark didn't exist. As if Kylo Ren, Snoke, Poe and Finn didn't exist. As if it were just them. In their own little world. In their own little universe.

"Rey-"

"What did it mean to you?" she asked, afraid that if she didn't ask it now, she would most certainly never ask it. "The... the thing..."

Ben snickered a bit. "The kiss?" Rey shyly nodded as she averted her glance, as if she could see his surroundings. There was a moment of silence between them as Ben got his thoughts together and Rey wondered if she had went too far asking such a bold question, silently hoping for more. And that silence was about to be answered as she didn't block her part of the bond. With confidence, he turned her face back to meet his, staring down at her with such intensity that it could freeze anyone in their footsteps. His gaze was so intense that it captivated Rey. All she could do was stare. And wait. "You have no family. No home. You're a nobody," he started out. He saw that Rey was starting to feel discouraged and hurt by his words, so he quickly continued, having leading up to something. "But not to me," he said softly as his hand cupped her cheek and gently rubbed her skin with his thumb. He couldn't say the next part out loud, so he sent it to her through their bond. _"You're everything to me, Rey."_

Her eyes watered, spilling over silent tears as she felt she finally found her home. Finally found her family. Finally found her purpose. She was so happy that she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight against her. He could feel her side of the bond quivering with happiness, loneliness all but disappeared. He held her against him and smiled into her hair as he heard the words over and over again in his head, _"Thank you."_ It was her own silent mantra and it sounded so amazing that he was the one that made her that happy. Ben Solo. The one that didn't deserve happiness. He had found it in her. He had found it in this nobody from Jakku. This scavenger with force sensitivity. For the first time in a while, Ben Solo didn't regret his advances. He didn't regret a single moment.


	3. Aversion

**A/N: So this is getting further than I thought it would! I'm already thinking of ending it in a couple of chapters. This is just a random fluffy thing that I thought of, exploring their feelings before, during, and after, so I didn't intend for it to go too far. Mainly just trying to get back into the swing of things and work on character development. Anyway! Enjoy part 3!**

* * *

**AVERSION**

_Ben x Rey_

* * *

Training had been going smoothly for the most part. Rey was a quick learner and Ben was helping her along whenever she stumbled. Usually, he was too impatient to teach anyone anything, but for some reason, Rey made him want to be better. He wanted to be more patient so she could learn. And Rey wasn't even sure why she wanted to continue on with this training anyway since she had found it quite nice to have Ben in her head here recently. But she didn't know if she should tell him that or not. He might get overly inflated in the ego department. In any case, training was going well.

They'd been training for a few months now. They took turns also exploring their force connection, delving into each other's minds as the occasion called for it. Ben would try to prod past Rey's defenses and Rey would try to keep him out, and vice-versa. Rey almost slipped through one time, but Ben quickly shut her down, almost as if he were toying with her, she thought. But Ben assured her that he almost lost control. And she believed him.

Over the months, it had gotten easier to accept Ben. He would appear to her some nights and he would be really angry one moment about Snoke threatening her, but she would somehow manage to calm him down. But he seemed to be resisting something. Like an aversion. He did not want her to go to one particular part of her mind. And that was ok, but it bothered her. What was he hiding? It made her want to go to that corner more and more. But the more she went there and tried to prod at it, the more she came out of this probing session more and more exhausted than the last. Ben had constantly warned her not to go there, but she didn't listen. Rey was the type of girl that would stop at nothing to get what she set her eyes on. And that deep dark corner of Ben's mind was what she set her eyes on.

It pained him to have to fight to keep her out like this, but he didn't want her visiting that part of his mind. That dark corner he kept there to hide everything in. It was his personal corner. Something he wasn't quite ready to share with Rey yet. But she kept going at it like a wrecking ball, each time taking down more and more of his defensive barrier. She would get in eventually, he knew. But he hoped he was ready to handle it.

Tonight was a particularly bad night for him. He was pacing around his room, blood dripping from his face as he mulled over his recent encounter with Snoke. Snoke had found out about Rey. It wasn't hard. They'd come face to face a couple of times before, but Snoke prodded at his mind and was met with resistance. And Snoke didn't take kindly to resistance. So he had Ben tortured, beaten and tossed around like a rag doll. He now knew how Hux felt that one time. Ben stood in his room, dripping with blood and fighting the inner monster that such dealings with Snoke always threatened to bring out in him. He felt her prodding at their bond as his end was in turmoil. He clamped down hard and shut her out. He couldn't deal with her. He couldn't have her prodding at him like this.

But she was there. She said his name and he stopped his frantic pacing, frozen in one spot. His back was to her. She called to him again, but he didn't turn. He felt his aversion for this whole situation getting more and more concentrated. No, she couldn't see him like this. She couldn't see him as a monster. She couldn't see him undone. He would scare her away. He would hurt her. He would say something that he didn't want to say. He would lose her.

"Ben... don't shut me out," she coaxed gently as she stepped forward to him.

"Don't!" he roared at her image, back still turned, fists clenched angrily. "Get out," he hissed. "Not tonight."

Rey's part of the bond wavered a little. As if he had stabbed her with his words. But, being the stubborn woman she was, she advanced this time, putting a hand on his shoulder and whirling him around to face her. She saw the blood coming down his face from his eyebrow, his busted lip, his bruised nose. His hard eyes that reflected fear, anger and displeasure. She frowned at him, knowing that whatever happened to him, it had to have been Snoke. Ben didn't get beaten up like this. Except when Snoke was particularly angry at him. Hux couldn't land a finger on him. The stormtroopers could easily be obliterated. The only other person it had to be was Snoke. "Ben-"

"It's nothing," he said as he shrugged her hand off of him.

Rey glared at him. "Sure, blood running down your face is nothing," she hissed back at him. "What happened?" she demanded.

Ben remained silent as he fought to choose his words. He wanted to lash out at her. He wanted to dominate her. He wanted her to leave. He wanted her to stay. He wanted to break down. He wanted to fight. He wanted to be alone. All of these emotions swirled in his head and radiated through their bond. She felt it come over her, unrestrained. It knocked the breath out of her. She grabbed his forearm to keep from falling. It was then that he realized that he was broadcasting. He quelled the anger inside of himself and took a deep breath, releasing it as a deep, tormented sigh. "Sorry... too loud," he whispered in the dimly lit room.

Rey chortled a bit before looking up into his eyes. "Not too loud. Just... loud."

Before he could stop it, Ben's lips curled into a small sad smile. "Yeah."

Rey gently touched his face, Ben hissing in pain before she concentrated and tried to heal his face. He stood and watched her, her face beautiful in contrast to his mangled one. He still felt the aversion to being around her at the moment, not quite trusting himself, but somehow it had gotten to be less of an aversion. Without any warning, he leaned forward and boldly planted his lips onto hers as she was still concentrating on healing him. Her eyes shot open in surprise before realizing that this is what he needs. She gently wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close before he pulled away just a bit. Their faces still close, he rested his forehead against hers. "You shouldn't be here," he breathed in his deep voice that sent chills down her spine.

"Then make me leave," she challenged with a small grin. They both knew he wouldn't. He just smirked in return. He kissed her once more prior to standing erect and sighing. Her eyes followed him across the room as he came to sit on, what she assumed was his bed. She came to stand in front of him. "What happened?" she asked softly. "Did Snoke-"

He glared up at her to shut her up. It worked. Of course it was Snoke. Who else would it be? Did she think him so weak that just anyone could- "Stop," she pleaded. Such a simple word. He felt himself calming down though. It was very odd how this bond thing worked. Or maybe it was just him. Maybe it was because he hung on her every word. Maybe it was because he truly considered her as an equal. As a partner. Only she could pull him back from visiting his deep dark hole of misery.

He released a frustrated sigh as he ran his hand through his luscious black hair. "You shouldn't be here, Rey," he said a bit more forcefully this time.

"Then make me leave," she said again, enunciating each word to get her point across. If he truly didn't want her there, he would force her out of their bond. But he wasn't. In fact, it seemed as if he were pulling her closer to him through the bond. Like he was begging her not to leave. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head against her torso, attempting to help him through this difficulty. She felt him gently prodding at the bond and with a small smile on her lips, she opened up to him. He closed his eyes as his mind was met with the light that surrounded her. It calmed him, sedated him. Made him happy to know that she was here.

But that aversion wouldn't leave him alone. He felt the darkness coming into the bond and he frowned before shutting it down. He wouldn't let the darkness corrupt her light. He tried to pull away, but she held him still. "Ben..." she whispered into his hair. He responded by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

"He won't leave me alone," he whispered back. "He won't stop until he finds you. He knows I'm hiding something, but-"

"You're protecting me," she said as if she just put it together for the first time.

He just nodded in silence. "He won't stop until he finds you, Rey." His arms tightened around her. This was a side of him she never knew existed. He was protecting her. He was scared for her. He was... Ben. He wasn't falling back to Kylo Ren, but rather embracing Ben Solo. He seemed to have given up on the dark side. He wanted to be closer to her. He was basking in her light as if it was the best thing he'd ever experienced.

Rey gently ran her fingers through his hair. "Then we need to bring the fight to him."

Ben sat up abruptly, causing Rey to stumble a bit as she was hanging over him awkwardly. "Rey, you can't. He'll do to you what he does to me! That can't happen!" he snarled. "Don't you dare come-"

Rey kissed him. Ben froze for a moment, which was all Rey needed. The aversion was coming back again. He knew he shouldn't have gotten close to her. He knew this would happen. Her stubbornness. Her eagerness to end this all. It was going to get her killed. And if she died, where would he be? He would be the same old miserable boy that he was when Snoke found him. The same miserable boy that was so lost that he let others make decisions for him. Rey pulled away and stared into his eyes, fight and determination swirling in her beautiful orbs of light. "We can win. This will all be over soon, Ben. We can take him. I know we-"

"We can't," he said as if pleading to her not to do this.

Rey stood up straight then and glared down at him. "With or without your help, we will kill Snoke." And with that, she was gone.

But so was the aversion.


	4. Attached

**A/N: Ok. So I think that this is going to be the second to last A chapter. Maybe. We'll see how it ends. Enjoy!**

* * *

**ATTACHED**

_Ben x Rey_

* * *

She was a Palpatine. Of all the people she could be related to, it had to be him. After all they've been through, now this was the greatest trial they both faced. They had to defeat her grandfather, who was a murderous psychopath that wanted to destroy the galaxy, all the while holding their own and surviving. This was ludicrous. It would be so easy to just walk away and let it happen. It would be so easy to just cut his losses now. But no. He wouldn't. He'd become too attached to do that.

As he stormed Exegol, he had one sole mission: find Rey. And once he found her, he would help her destroy the very thing that threatened to destroy everything they knew and loved. He'd probably die. But she was worth it. He didn't mind throwing his life away for her sake. He welcomed death after all he'd done. They'd gotten closer. He'd pushed her away. He killed his father. She sought him again. Found him. Stabbed him. Healed him. Told him that she really wanted to join him, but only if he was Ben. Yes, for a time, he had went back to Kylo Ren. But now... he fully accepted that Kylo Ren was dead. Ben Solo now emerged. He embraced the light, even though he knew it would be very difficult. He had a lot of things to patch up with everyone. A lot of trust he had to gain so people wouldn't feel threatened. But that was what he had to think about after all of this.

Palpatine was his concern now. He needed to stay focused. As he felt himself getting closer, he saw his own former comrades standing in his way. Crap. His lightsaber. He doesn't have it. He threw it away. He reached out to Rey. She passed the lightsaber to him. Game on.

**X~x~x~x~X**

Finally, he made it to her, only to have the life sucked out of him, as well as her, and then thrown down a deep crevice. This day just got so much better. He couldn't focus on that right now. He had to climb up. Everything was happening so fast. He had to block the pain. His leg wasn't working as it should so he had to rely on his arm strength. He only hoped she would be ok till he got back up there. He knew she was strong, but he was really worried about her losing to Palpatine. He was the strongest Sith in the galaxy. He could easily overpower her if she wasn't-

His eyes grew wide. Something wasn't right. He had to pick up the pace. Heart racing, pounding in his ears as if something was telling him, screaming at him, that something wasn't right. Something was indeed terribly, terribly wrong. He couldn't feel her. He could, but it was extremely weak, almost as if there was no connection at all. Panic rose within him as he made it to the top of the crevice to see her lying on the ground. Fear and desperation shone in Ben Solo's eyes. He pulled himself up and tried to walk to her, but fell, completely forgetting about his leg. Stupid human weaknesses! No time. He dragged himself up and dragged the useless appendage after him, doing anything he could to hurry and get to Rey. The only Rey of sunshine that he had in his dark, miserable life. And now it was fizzling out as she faded away. Her side of the bond was quiet. Too quiet.

When he reached her, he pulled her into his arms and just held her. _Don't leave me. Not like this. Please come back. I need you!_ The silent please he sent through their bond, having no reception to their intended target. It was silent. Her eyes were lifeless. Her body was growing colder and colder as time went on. He silently begged anyone that was listening to give her back. His mind screamed her name over and over again as he held her and slightly rocked. He felt his world falling apart. This can't happen. This wasn't supposed to be how it turned out! He was supposed to die! Not her! He felt tears welling up in his eyes. Did he have the strength to do what he wanted?

He let her rest in his arm as his hand fell on her stomach, looking at her face one last time, taking it in the best he could before he shut his eyes and concentrated. All the while, he pleaded with the Force to not let her die. He didn't care what he had to do. Just don't let her die. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. She needed to keep living. He should be the one to die. As he felt his energy draining, he felt her body warming back up, but he couldn't focus on that as he continued to beg and pray for her to come back to him. Even if he could see her one last time before he left her, that would be enough for him. He just couldn't leave things like this.

He felt a hand on his and his eyes shot open, finding the purpose of the warmth on his cold hand. _Rey_. She was alive. She sat up and repositioned herself before smiling at him and using that sweet, angelic voice of hers to say his name. "Ben!" Then her lips were on his. And it felt so incredibly good. It was desperate, yet loving, yet he started to feel himself fading away. It got to the point where he could barely feel it. And then it was gone. When she pulled away, they held each other and he let himself smile a deep, warm, truly loving smile that no one had ever seen before. She smiled back.

Then his vision narrowed and he felt really sleepy. His eyes fluttered closed as his body started to fall back of its own accord. The last he heard was his name one last time from the only woman he ever truly loved with all of his being. The one he had an undeniable attachment to.

**X~x~x~x~x~X**

His eyes flew open as he gasped, as if he choked on his own tongue. He sat up in bed, eyes frantically looking around to try to get some inkling as to where he was. How was he here? Was he alive? Was he dead? Was this some sort of sick afterlife joke? He felt a warmth on his arm, his head jerking to the side to see what it was. And he froze.

Rey smiled lovingly at him with tears in her eyes. Before he knew it, she threw herself at him and curled in his lap in the bed. "You're back!" she whispered as he felt tears soak his shirt. He's back? There was so much he didn't understand. What happened? Where was he? Was it all a dream? No... it couldn't have been a dream. There was no way it was all just a dream. He mechanically wrapped his arms around Rey, as if unsure of himself. When he felt her body against his, he knew it was all real. His eyes watered, blurring his vision before he held onto her as if she'd fly away. He whispered her name in her neck as he held onto her tight, not ever wanting to let her go. "Ben," she whispered as they both had a small crying session together. Their bond was as strong as ever. They felt each other's emotions, soothing each other's aches and pains, reassuring each other that they were there and it would all be all right.

Ben was the first to pull away, tears streaking down his beautiful face. He touched her cheek and saw matching tear trails before he pressed his lips desperately to hers, just needing her to show him it was all real. They kissed for what seemed like hours before they both pulled away breathless and satisfied, foreheads touching and Ben's eyes closed. "I don't understand... How am I here?"

Rey smiled and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. "You saved me," she said simply, which didn't answer anything. He knew he did that. "And I saved you," she grinned.

Ben looked at her then, eyes open and full of clarity. She let him see the events through her eyes, feel her feelings at that moment. He saw his own body hit the ground, her hand supporting his head. She cried out to him in anguish, calling his name over and over again. Tears soaked his shirt. She did anything she could think of. She kissed his face and poured all that she had into him, trying to give some back that he had given her. And when she pulled away, she was pleading and begging him to come back to her. He saw the color return to his own face and his body taking shallow breaths. But he was alive. Barely.

The next thing he saw was Rey trying her best to drag him along, supporting him the best she could on her shoulder. She fell several times, face smacking the dirt and getting angry and frustrated at being weaker than him. She showed him that he was carried on board by Lando and Chewie. And then Rey sitting at his side in a private room, door locked, holding his hand day and night. He didn't know how much time had passed, but she sat there, staring at the man she-

Ben's eyes widened then as tears flowed freely down his cheeks. He stared at her in disbelief, seeing her shy smile at him. "Say it," he whispered to her, staring at her as if her next words would either kill him or revive him.

"I love you, Ben Solo," she said without any fuss. She was proud to say it. She was proud to admit that she loved the strongest man she knew. The one that gave his life for her so she could live. And the one she had the privilege of doing the same with. They weren't just connected; they were attached at a deeper level. Their very existences became one. Her life was in him and his was in her.

Ben gave her a breath-taking smile then as his whole life just seemed perfect. He pulled her in for a delicate kiss before responding, in true Solo fashion, _"I know."_


	5. Awake

**A/N: Ok! So! I'm having way too much fun with this lol. More chapters apparently! Anyway! Enjoy!**

* * *

**AWAKE**

_Ben x Rey_

* * *

Ben was recovering well from the injuries from Exegol. Rey was having a hard time playing nurse with him, but he wouldn't stay in bed. It was too difficult. He had to walk around. He wasn't content just sitting there, doing nothing, while everyone else was walking around and doing something. He had always been on his feet and storming from one place to another. It just wasn't good for him to sit there, left alone with his thoughts. Rey couldn't be with him all the time, he knew. He didn't want to ask her to be either. Occasionally when he would start to feel lost in his rabbit hole of negativity, he would reach out to the bond, almost timidly, searching for some comfort.

And he received it. Rey sensed his loud broadcast of anguish and she sent soothing waves to him. He bathed in her light on more than one occasion. It always helped. It was the only thing that helped. There were some times where he would have nightmares. Oh, Force, the nightmares. It was so difficult to restrain them. Memories of what he did to everyone. What he was capable of doing to others. What he, in his blind rage as Kylo Ren, thought about doing to Rey, but actually accomplishing it. It tore him apart from the inside out. It was far too much. He was slowly breaking with each nightmare that kept him awake. His mind was breaking. Becoming new. Becoming something different. Something strange. Something... broken. It scared him. The darkness was tearing him apart from the inside.

He hadn't been sleeping well. Everyone knew it. His emotions were haywire. The soothing effect of Rey could only do so much. In his sleep deprivation, he snapped at anyone and everyone, only breaking what little trust he had acquired. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to be alone, but he wanted someone there. He was so confused. He didn't want to be a burden. Not to her.

He sat in the bed, hands on his face, breathing hard from another nightmare that showed him killing Rey in his anger. This had to stop. Sweat rolled down his face and into his hands as he tried to calm his breathing. He felt her probing at the bond they shared, but he shut her out, not wanting her to see him like this again. He hated showing weakness. Weakness was something he didn't like. Was that Kylo Ren speaking? Or was it Ben? He didn't even know anymore.

He threw the covers aside and set his feet on the ground. He looked around in the darkness of his room. He had to move. He saw the lightsaber Rey lent him for the fight with the Knights of Ren and frowned. Though he missed the red, he wasn't too happy that the lightsaber was his family's. He wanted his own someday. He snatched it up anyway and clipped it to his belt before forcing himself to stand. The pain rushed up his leg and into his hip, making his face scowl until he calmed himself and tried to ignore it. He pushed forward, one step, then two. His leg had healed, no longer broken, but the pain still remained. Who would have thought that it would take him so long to get back to normal? He wanted Rey to force heal him, but was hesitant to ask because she had already been through so much as it was. It had been nearly two months since the Exegol incident. He could have floated in the bacta tank, but his large frame and the small space made him claustrophobic in a way. So that was out.

He sighed and made his way to the door. It opened for him, his eyes scanning the hall for a split second before making his way to the training room. He had to do something. He couldn't just sit here like an invalid. And in all actuality, the physical pain he was in kept his mental pain at bay. So it was a weird situation he was in.

He made it to the training room without any complications, but his leg was hurting still. He wondered if he'd ever get back to normal again. Shoving that thought from his mind, he pushed forward until he was in the middle of the room. He pulled out his saber and ignited it, staring at the blue he didn't think he deserved to wield. His mind was still so dark. He could feel the darkness tugging at him like a relentlessly hungry animal, seeking to devour any shred of light he had acquired. He took a stance, saber in front of him, as he started to go through his forms. The blade wasn't as heavy as what he was used to with his red one. It didn't feel right. He was a strength person, not a delicate person. He missed how his old lightsaber felt in his hand. Weighty, but sturdy and strong. He felt he could do anything with that saber.

This one... it felt like all he had to do was drop it and it would smash to a million pieces. But maybe that was his own mental inadequacies. They had gotten rid of Palpatine and the First Order. Snoke was no more. The darkness was wiped out of the galaxy for now. There was peace. True peace. So then why was his mind so alert and agitated? Why was he struggling to come to terms with what he did? He wanted Luke dead so badly. He killed his own father, too. His own mother gave her life in hope of reaching him one last time to bring him back. All he knew died around him.

Before he realized it, his forms became more aggressive and purposeful. As if each movement got out more and more aggravation. So lost in his thoughts was he that he didn't even hear the training room door open and shut. He kept doing his forms, trying to get out everything he could possibly get out, thoughts focusing on swinging the blade and fighting the darkness within him. His breath was heavy, his forehead slick with sweat, hair wet at the side of his face. His movements were getting more fluid though. They weren't as practiced as before. He found his rhythm. Whether that was a good thing or a bad, he didn't know.

His mind was racing. He didn't deserve to be forgiven. He didn't deserve to be here. He didn't deserve to be alive. He didn't deserve any of it! None at all! His mind swirled with hatred. Hatred towards the Force for allowing him to be alive. Hatred for his parents for sending him to Luke. Hatred for Luke for not giving him a chance! Hatred for Snoke for twisting his life into something broken and irreparable. Hatred for Palpatine for everything he'd done to anyone he ever cared for. Hatred for the Dark Side for being so strong and having such an influence on him. Hatred for the Light for not being strong enough to repel the dark within him.

_Hatred._ For everything.

Except for _her_.

His movements stopped then as he stood there silently, frozen in the last motion he'd done. His life ever since he met her flashed before his eyes. The strong, fierce eyes that stared back defiantly at him, exposing his fear of not being strong like Vader. The kiss. The comfort. The undying urge to protect her. His arm lowered from the stance as he just stared at the lightsaber in his hand. Luke. Mother. Father. They all died. Because of him. He was the mess up. He was the problem. Before he could stop it, a tear slid down his cheek, evaporating instantly as it hit the still ignited saber with a hiss. Why was he so weak? Why couldn't he have been better to them all?

He extinguished his saber and collapsed to his knees in silence, still contemplating the saber, completely oblivious to footsteps behind him. Until arms wrapped around his neck. He closed his eyes and took the feeling in. He could smell her. That unique scent that instantly quelled the storm raging within him. She was his weakness. She always had been. He released a content sigh, collapsing backwards into her. Sleep overtook him.

For now.

**X~x~x~x~X**

When he awoke, he was on his side in his bed, warm and comfortable. He felt refreshed. He felt... pressure? He opened his eyes and came face to face with Rey, sleeping right next to him, contentment on her face. His eyes widened as he realized she had slept with him. He looked down at them both to see if they had-

They hadn't. He mentally sighed at that. Ok, good. If it happened, he at least wanted to remember it. His thoughts refocused on Rey. She trusted him enough to sleep beside him. He felt a flutter in his chest at that thought. He didn't deserve anyone's trust, but he had hers. And that was all that mattered. Even if it was misplaced.

He heard her release a contented sigh, a breath of warm air gracing his face. He grinned at that. Why was she so comfortable? _"Stupid,"_ he heard her voice come through the link. He blinked a few times, watching her face as she opened her eyes to smirk at him. "Loud," she whispered, closing her eyes and snuggling closer to him.

He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her close. "Sorry," he answered her with a small hint of amusement in his voice. This was true contentment. This was true happiness. This was Rey.

She adjusted her head to rest on his chest and he kissed the top of her head. "You're fighting again, aren't you?" It was a simple question, but it hit him hard. Yes, he was fighting. He was always fighting. The darkness swelled in him to the point where he feared it would extinguish what little light he had in him. He didn't want that to happen. He wanted to be free of this overwhelming darkness that threatened to suffocate him. He remained silent, afraid to answer. "Ben," she called as she pulled away and sat up on her elbow to look at him. "I felt you last night," she told him. He frowned at her. He was broadcasting again. His defenses had slipped. "You don't need to think that way. You're going to lose to the darkness if you keep beating yourself up like that."

Ben averted his sight elsewhere as he sat up in bed. He ran his hands through his hair with a deep, heavy sigh. "I'm not talking about this right now," he said as he got up, motions not at all hindered by the-

No pain? He looked down at his leg and then back at Rey. She gave him a sneaky grin. "Why-"

"Because you were in pain. And you refused to ask for help," she replied as she too sat up and got out of bed.

Ben frowned at her again. "I didn't want the help."

Rey sighed as she made her way to him. "Ok, so if you don't want the help, I can break your leg again and you can go back to lying in the bed with nothing to do and go down the rabbit hole of misery. Sound like a plan?" she sarcastically spat, arms folded defiantly across her chest as she glared at his face.

Ben looked at her for a moment, face devoid of emotions. He didn't know how to feel about that. It was scary how she could peg him so closely. It was even more scary how she made it sound like he had said it. He conceded. "You're right," he said as he walked over to the bedside table and grabbed the lightsaber he was playing with yesterday.

"We should get you a new saber," she said absent-mindedly.

Ben rolled his eyes. His thoughts exactly.

**X~x~x~x~X**

Days came and went, but his sleep patterns were still nowhere near as good as when Rey slept next to him. He hated this. His emotions were running haywire again. He couldn't think straight. He was always just awake. Any sleep he had gotten was only a few minutes before the nightmares pushed him back to consciousness. No matter what he did, he found himself roaming the ship, always ending up in the training room. Always trying his best to get out his frustration, to keep the dark thoughts at bay. He felt the incessant tugging getting stronger. Like claws seeking to shred his mind to pieces. He was losing his battle.

They hadn't really been exploring their bond anymore because he had been shutting her out, too afraid to let her into his darkness. He didn't want her to be corrupted, too. Not her. Not her light. He felt her probing, but he had put his mind on lockdown. And the more he shut himself off, the more the darkness wreaked havoc on his mind.

He sat in the training room, attempting to mediate to calm himself down. He had been attempting to do this for the past hour, late at night as usual. What else would he do since he was so clearly awake? Well, he would be attempting his meditation, but she stormed in, breaking his concentration.

"Ben Solo!" she hissed at him, storming closer to him.


	6. Anger

**A/N: So this is going in a totally different direction that I thought it would! Let's see where this goes, I guess! Enjoy!**

* * *

**ANGER**

_Ben x Rey_

* * *

The way she approached him was not helping his anger. The way she was spitting fire at him was not helping him calm down. It was radiating off of her in waves. He didn't know what he had done to infuriate her so badly, but he had a feeling he was about to find out. All he could do as she stormed closer to him was look up at her emotionlessly. "What do you think you're doing!" she hissed as she stopped just in front of him.

Ben's brows furrowed. "What-"

"Don't you play dumb with me, Ben Solo! You're shutting me out! Why?" she growled at him, feeling as if their bond was weakening. And for the first time, he realized it was affecting her, too. "This is why you can't win against the darkness in your head! You won't accept the light!" she hissed at him, fire burning in her eyes, along with hurt and anguish.

He didn't know what to say to her without her going off the deep end. Oh, who cared. His eyes grew defensive as he stood to meet her angry stance. "None of your business!" he growled back at her. Smooth one, Ben Solo. Real smooth.

Rey let out an annoyed huff before punching his chest. "Who do you think you are? Do you like being miserable? Do you like waking up every night with these stupid nightmares!"

"What do you know about my nightmares!" he thundered, holding his ground, eyes growing darker as his anger continued to rise.

"I know plenty enough!"

"Really..." he said, his voice level. Dangerously level. Rey hated that voice. She knew that whatever he was about to say would scathe. "You know nothing about that. You know nothing about me. You know _nothing_!"

Rey visibly flinched at that. He was right. What did she know? She knew he was bothered to the point where he couldn't sleep. She knew he wasn't himself lately. "Then why won't you tell me?" Her voice was soft, still a bit of anger to it though.

Ben scoffed at that as he started to pace the floor, back and forth, back and forth. He glared at the ground, anger rising much to the point when he was in the First Order and decided to slash at the computers. "You wouldn't understand. Why do you even care?"

Rey's turn to become angrier then. "You ask me why I care? Are you stupid!" she hissed at him, her eyes watering with anger. Ben glared at her then. "Forget it!" she hissed as she turned on her heel.

"Sure. Leave! That's all anyone ever did anyway!" he growled as he punched the wall. He didn't know why he was acting this way.

Yes, he did. He was angry. He was alone. He was beside himself. He didn't know what to do. And somehow, he wished she would see that. But she didn't. and for some reason, that translated in his mind that she didn't really care to know the real him.

She stood with her back to him, head lowered a little in shame. _"I love you, Ben,"_ she whispered delicately across their link. And finally it reached him. He stood motionless for a time, fist on the wall, struggling to catch his breath as his bleeding knuckles screamed at him from the abuse he'd put them through. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rey turn to look at him. Her eyes were pleading with him to let her in.

He erected himself, hand falling at his side before he walked to the center of the room and sat cross-legged on the floor, looking up at her, inviting her to come sit with him. She caught the hint as she hesitantly walked back to him and sat in front of him, eyes searching his for any sign of... something. She felt out of practice with reading him. He had shut himself off to her for so long that she didn't know how to read him anymore. Their bond was a fraction of what it used to be. He reached out with their bond, hesitantly inviting her. She followed into his mind and her breath left her.

So dark. So lonely. So..._angry_. A flurry of emotions raged in his mind, like a war with no winner. She concentrated, trying to make sense of it all. Then she realized she had to sift through everything, one at a time. So she started where she could. She sensed his anger at Luke for trying to kill him and not even giving him a chance. She gently pushed into that a little. Why was he so angry? She didn't have to wait long as she was suddenly there. She saw the fear in young Ben's eyes as Luke had a moment of weakness at the wrong time. The fear, the betrayal... the hatred. Her brows creased on her face as she registered that. She tried her best to understand him. She tried to sift through the hatred. She knew Luke's side of the story. She pushed her own talk with him into Ben's mind, forcing him to see what he had told her. That he realized the error of his ways, albeit too late. She felt the anger die down a little with that. It didn't disappear completely. She knew that would take some time for him to reconcile that within himself.

She moved on. Anger for being alive to cause everyone this much pain. She felt him start to guard himself with that one. She opened her eyes to look at his face then. His eyes were cautious, guarded, hurt. Embarrassed that she saw that. She gave him a warm smile, reaching forward to hold his hands in hers. The warmth was enough to let him open fully to her. He broke eye contact, opting for the floor between them and she closed her eyes to concentrate again. He was angry that he was alive. If he were dead, everyone would be a lot less guarded. The enemy would have fallen. The enemy would have been no more. There would be no threat to peace if he were gone. Rey would have moved on. He would have been the last Solo to die. No, he didn't deserve to live. He didn't deserve Rey's life essence swirling within him to bring him back. She shouldn't have brought him back. It would have been less of a heartache for everyone if he had stayed dead.

She felt the urge to cry at that one. But she pushed it away quickly. This was about him, not her. She didn't know what to say to that. There was only one thought that was racing through her mind at all of this: _"I would be sad if you weren't alive. I need you. Losing you killed me."_ That anger faltered a bit at that thought. They were the same in that department. The thought of living without each other wasn't an option for them. They were so attached that they knew that losing the other would slowly kill them. They were doomed to die if one were to cease existing. And they were ok with that.

Rey pushed on to see if she could sense anything else. There was something in the deep dark corner of his mind. Something he had been hiding from her since the get-go. Something that he didn't want to share with her. It was tucked away in the darkest recesses of his mind and she could sense the tension coming from that spot. That one spot was feeding all of this darkness. All of this hatred. All of this loneliness. She dared to push on, being drawn to it in some weird way. She felt his hands twitch in hers. He was uncomfortable. He was really uncomfortable. She kept going, pushing past the first barrier of his mind, struggling to push on. It was mentally taxing on him and her. He didn't want her there. He didn't want her to see what he was hiding.

"Please," she said softly aloud.

Ben pulled away then, glaring at her and breaking the connection simultaneously with a growl of "No!"

He rushed to his feet and stormed out of the training room. They had landed on Endor a few hours ago. He needed air. He needed to clear his mind. He needed to get away. "Ben!" Rey called after him. He ignored her. He kept pushing on, down the ramp and into the forest. He was running now. He couldn't get away from her fast enough. He heard her calling to him again. Still no response. He had to get away. He couldn't face her. He felt the anger rising within himself again. Angry for running. Angry for being too weak to face his demons. He didn't want her help. He didn't want to let go. He didn't want any of this! He just wanted to go back to-

He stopped in a clearing. Kylo Ren was pulling at him. It was the darkness inside of him. The darkness had manifested itself as his alter ego. As the one he fought against within his own mind. It was all coming together now. "Ben!"

"STOP!" he roared, fists clenched at his sides.

He heard her footsteps halt, her breath hard as she tried to catch her breath after chasing him through the woods. "Ben-"

"Stop," he hissed again. "You need to leave."

"Ben, no-"

"LEAVE, REY!" he snarled at her, whipping around at her, saber ignited.

Rey just stared at him in disbelief for a fraction of a second. She had her own saber with her, having not buried Luke and Leia's yet. Leia's saber ignited as she took on a defensive stance. "Ben... you need to calm down," she tried to say to him, attempting to get him to lower the lightsaber and think about what he was doing.

Ben glared at her, his dark eyes full of hatred and anger. This had to be done. He should have done it long ago. "I know what I need to do... but I don't know if I have the strength to do it," he told her, voice venomously calm.

Rey glared at him. "You don't."

That was all he needed. He lunged at her, sabers clashing in the clearing of the trees. They swung wildly at each other, Rey dodging all of Ben's efforts to strike her down. And neither of them said another word to each other. They let their sabers do all the talking. Ben took the offensive and Rey the defensive. Light and dark waging war again. He swung at her, coming to meet with her saber. After a few of these clashes, Rey realized that he was not aiming to kill her.

So then what was he doing? If his goal wasn't to kill her, then what was he doing this for? That split second of distraction was all Ben needed to sweep her off of her feet, literally. He spun on the ground and knocked her down onto her back with his leg in a sweeping motion. As she was down, his saber found her neck. The heat from the blade near her skin was enough to send a brief panic into her. "Ben-"

"It's you." She didn't understand. When he knew he needed to go on, he did. "The darkness. In my mind. The one you keep trying to open up. It has to do with you."

Rey stayed silent as she looked up at him over the blade. It was a few moments of him glaring down at her. She realized that he wasn't glaring at her, but to her. He was angry at himself. He was scared. "What about me?" she asked, voice still as confident as before.

He just stared down at her, not moving the saber. Rey suddenly took a chance and force pushed him away from her, giving her enough time to scramble to her feet as he recovered. He slid backwards with the push, bending his body in half, hand on the ground and saber raised. He stopped sliding and looked up at her with a glare. There they went again. Their sabers clashed in a brilliance of fireworks as their movements became more of a dance than a fight. She knew he didn't want to hurt her. He knew she didn't want to hurt him. But this sparring match turned into a dance of the sabers, each finding their own place in their dance. As she swung at him, he grabbed her wrist, pushing it out of the way, bringing their chests together. He looked down at her, eyes dark and longing. She looked up at him, eyes full of adoration and pain for him.

Without warning, he leaned forward and claimed her lips with his. He dropped his saber, opting to hold her face to deepen the kiss. Rey quickly followed suit as she too dropped her saber and held the back of his neck, grasping at the hairs she found at his nape. It was at that moment, that she saw a vision. The dark corner of his mind that he would never allow her into. The anger. The hatred. The pain. It was all for her.

He was so angry that such a small woman could penetrate his defenses so easily. That this scavenger from Jakku could turn his world upside down. The hatred he had for his own weakness when he was around her. That she was his weakness. That he was nothing without her. The pain to be around her and not be able to hold her in some way all the time. The way his body and heart ached for her. The pain that he had to shut down his mind to her because he was trying to protect her. The anger that he was so weak to not control himself around her. The tiresome battles he was waging within himself to keep a constant grip on himself and not say or do anything to lose her trust. That everything he did was for her. He gave up the First Order. He betrayed Snoke. He gave his life for her. Everything. Every single thing since he met her. It was all about her. He hated all that he had done. He hated that he couldn't just accept that he was meant to be with her. That he hated the fact of needing someone as much as he needed her.

All of it was a flurry. He was so scared of losing her. He hated that fear. He hated having to rely on someone else so much. He loved her so much that it was unbearable at times. He wanted to be so close to her. He wanted to know the ins and outs of Rey. To know what she was thinking. To know what she was feeling. To know her past. Her present. Her future. Did it involve him? All of this was just so much. So much he wanted to tell her, but couldn't. All he felt he needed to show her, but was scared to open himself up fully to another person. Because as soon as someone opened themselves up to another, that person had power over them. Power to break them and shatter them into insignificant little pieces, never to be whole again. That power, that control scared him. It scared him and overwhelmed him, but it also made him giddy to want to experience that all at the same time.

He didn't want a life without Rey. He didn't want to lose her. Everything he was... was for her. He killed his father because he was resisting that bond. Because he wanted to see what would happen to it if he killed Han. Would it break? Would he be able to keep on living as Kylo Ren, burying Ben Solo once and for all? Clearly not. He felt her pain through that bond when he killed his father. If he could, he would go back and not kill Han. He would come home with him. He had the opportunity to patch things up with his family, but he didn't take it.

Because he was scared.

Scared of rejection. Scared of what he would become with Rey at his side. Scared of the light since he had been in darkness for so long. Scared of the hatred and looks of disgust on everyone's faces. He put a tough front, sure, but deep down, he was so scared of rejection and being ostracized. Especially by the only woman he loved with every fiber of his being. He couldn't deal with that. He was so scared of this nobody from Jakku. This scavenger girl with no parents and a sadistic grandfather bent on destroying the galaxy. Rey scared the life out of him.

He pulled away from their kiss and averted his glance out of sheer embarrassment and fear. Now that she knew the truth, how would she react? Would she deny him? Would she laugh in his face? How would she treat him now? He didn't want pity. He didn't want any of that. He wanted to be loved, sure, but pity was not on his list. He felt a hand on his cheek, gently pulling his face back to look at Rey. When his eyes met hers, he studied her face. He couldn't read her expression. He noticed the tear stains down her cheek with more threatening to fall. He gingerly reached up to wipe them away, completely uncomfortable and unsure of his whole existence. "Ben," she breathed as she pulled her other arm away from his grasp that he'd forgotten he was still holding. He let her go, his hand dropping to his side. Her now free hand went to the other side of his face as she smiled lovingly at him. "I understand."

For the first time, Ben felt like the anger would disappear forever. He had no more reconciliations to make within himself. Those two words were enough to push the darkness completely out of his mind. And then that's when it all clicked.

He just wanted to be accepted.


	7. Acceptance

**A/N: All right! Thanks so much for sticking with this story and with me! I appreciate the read :) Hope you've enjoyed this story so far. This is the last installment for A in the ABCs of Writing prompt. R&R and Enjoy!**

**ACCEPTANCE**

_Ben x Rey_

It had been a month after the incident on Endor. Where Ben lost himself to the anger and Rey pulled him back to the light. They had been exploring their bond again, growing closer and closer. Ben was so much happier now. He had no reservations. He proved to be a good help to everyone he was around. People were still scared of him, but little by little, they saw that he wasn't so bad. Rey and him had gotten through some tough patches little by little and he felt himself becoming a different person. The same teenager before the darkness started to take over him. He felt... lighter. And it was all because of his scavenger from Jakku.

Today, they were walking back to Luke's old place on Tatooine. It was about time Rey buried their lightsabers. Rey and Ben had already gone to get their own lightsabers, Rey remodeling hers with parts of her staff and Ben... Well, Ben made his own that resembled Kylo Ren's, but the kyber crystal wasn't red anymore. As they walked the desert, hand in hand, Ben quietly reflected on how they'd gotten this far. Rey felt the emotions through their bond and smirked over at him occasionally. "You're very thoughtful today. What's the occasion?"

Ben just smirked at her and shrugged. "Nothing."

She knew that look. All too well. He was up to something. "Ben Solo," she warned.

Ben snickered. "You'll see."

Rey wasn't satisfied with that answer in the least, but before she could question it more, they arrived at the house Luke grew up in. She walked around for a little while, looking at everything that used to be there. She could tell that the desert was taking the settlement back, which was a shame because it could have been a pretty neat place to live. She pushed that thought from her head before Ben could get any ideas. She didn't want to live on another lonely desert planet. Not again. That was loneliness she didn't want to revisit.

When she was done looking around, she and Ben walked outside and dug a hole. They both knelt at the hole and concentrated together, setting the wrapped up sabers in the dirt and pushing it under the sand, burying it quietly. Once they were done, they remained silent for a while, Ben gently squeezing her hand. He knew she missed them both. To be honest, he did, too. He wished he had turned soone-

"Ben," she warned, sensing his thoughts. She didn't want to give him the opportunity to return down that dark path he had a tendency to go down. He looked at her, her eyes full of chastisement for him thinking ridiculously again. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, thankful for her knowing him so well. They stood and watched the suns preparing to set together, hand in hand. This was peaceful. It was such a sight to be able to see twin suns setting together. It was as if their worlds were changing before their very eyes and they welcomed the new change. They were better. They were happier. They were _together_.

Ben looked over at Rey as she kept her sight fixated on the setting suns. He smiled before reaching into his pocket, lifting her hand and placing a small box in it. He then turned back to look at the setting suns as Rey looked at him, face full of confusion. "Ben, what is this?" she asked as she turned the small blue box in her hand. She inspected the outside to see if she could get any sort of clue as to what was inside, but found nothing. She kept looking to him, receiving nothing in return. She flipped it open and saw Leia's ring inside. She looked at it for a long moment, a small sad smile coming to her face. "Ben, this is-"

"Yours now." She looked at him, eyes wide. He cleared his throat, clearly nervous. "That is, if you want it."

Rey smiled at him. "I-"

"Under one condition," he said as he turned to face her. Her brow shot up inquisitively. He then calmed his nerves and looked deep into her eyes. He reached out with the bond, as well as spoke, "Marry me."

Rey's heart stopped. Her eyes widened as she stared at the man before her. He wasn't joking. He was serious. Force, he was serious. And he was waiting for an answer. Her mind raced about as fast as her heart, struggling to formulate anything to answer him with. She knew she wanted to be with him, but voicing that was far beyond her capacity at the moment. She just stared, forgetting to breathe as all her emotions ran through her mind. He chuckled softly at her, breaking her from her stupor. "Loud," he said as he kissed her forehead. She blushed as she opened her mouth to say something, but Ben's attention was elsewhere.

A woman was approaching. She turned to see her and walked a bit away from Ben to greet her. "Who are you?" the woman asked.

"I'm Rey," she said with a small smile.

The woman looked her over and looked over Ben in the background, still wearing his traditional black in the desert like some sort of lunatic. When her eyes flicked back to Rey, she prodded further, "Rey who?"

Rey smiled at her, glanced back at Ben and aloud and through the bond they shared, she said, "Rey Solo."

**X~x~x~x~X**

She had to get away. She ran and ran, but no matter how quickly she ran, she just couldn't escape. She dodged through trees and roots, her new lightsaber shining yellow in the dusky atmosphere. She rushed through the woods of Endor, trying to escape him with everything she had. Leia's ring shone against the yellow of her saber. A symbol of Rey's marriage to the last Solo man alive. And now he was chasing after her, intent on capturing her.

It had gone all wrong. She thought she had him. She thought she helped him, but she was wrong. Now he was coming after her with reinforcements. His reinforcements were hot on her heels as she weaved in and out of the trees, leaping over trunks and roots. She glanced back and saw them gaining on her before she picked up the pace. As she rushed through the clearing, she jumped into a ravine, extinguishing her saber and ducking underwater for a time. As she looked up, she saw the reinforcements leap over the hole and continue on their way.

With a small grin, she surfaced and swam to the beach of the lake she'd taken refuge in. She wrung out her hair that had fallen out of the usual buns she kept it in and sighed as she got to her feet, her staff supporting her weight. She felt her belly, feeling the slight flutter at the life growing inside of her. She concentrated on calming the life, not at all paying attention to her surroundings at this point.

And that was all he needed. She felt arms wrap around her, big strong hands cradling her growing stomach and a delicate kiss finding its way onto her neck. "Rey Solo," came that deep voice that she'd fallen in love with. "Where do you think you're going?" His voice was soft, but held a certain reprimand to it.

Rey leaned against him and placed her hands over his, her staff long forgotten. "Just out for a run."

Ben smirked against her neck. "Is that what you call it?" Rey grinned as she peaked over at him, mischief in her eyes. "Where are they?"

Rey shrugged. "They kept running. I'm sure they've doubled back to see where they missed me."

Ben chuckled as she turned in his arms. "How are you feeling?" he asked as his hand stayed planted on her stomach, gently drawing little designs on her belly.

"Well enough to not be stuck to the bed," she said exasperatedly.

He let out a small "hmm" sound before they were interrupted. "Mom!" called some voices. Ben and Rey turned to meet the faces of their children. "Mom, doc said not to get out of bed," the boy said with a small huff. He had to be about seven years of age. He had dark hair and green eyes, a strong jaw like his father.

Rey rolled her eyes. "Yeah, mom!" called the other boy, who looked to be the same age, but with brown hair and dark eyes, a smaller build like his mom.

Ben chuckled as he picked up Rey, bridal style, in his arms and grinned at his two kids. "Good job, boys."

Rey punched his shoulder again. "Of course you'll say good job. You're a boy, too. Don't you guys have any shame ganging up on your poor pregnant mother?" she asked as she shot her boys a look.

The brunette rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "We're not gaining up on you, are we, Luke?"

The ebony haired boy laughed and shrugged as he put his arms behind his head in a typical carefree position. "No way, Han."

Rey playfully force pushed them, scaring the boys just enough as the cold water assaulted their tiny bodies. The boys jumped out of the water, teeth chattering as Rey laughed, Ben quietly laughing with her. "That's what you get," she said as she stuck her tongue out at them.

Luke and Han laughed as they all made their way back home to get changed. Rey and Ben stayed together the rest of the day, awaiting the arrival of their third child, Ren. Everything had fallen together and Ben never had a relapse into the darkness. He was so much happier than before. And Rey had come out of her shell was a lot more expressive than she used to be. The bond they shared had taught them how to rely on each other and be open with each other, even though it was difficult for the both of them to open up. And they knew that no matter what happened...

They had each other's acceptance. For as long as they both existed.

**THE END**


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